I Eat and Eat and Eat!......

The medication is causing gastric pain, which in turn is making me hungry constantly.
At the rate im eating, I think i can balloon up quickly just over christmas.
For christ sake, Emma is timming my hunger pangs, accurate like a nursing baby, its exactly every 3 hrs. I will scream for food.
Lucky Im in malaysia, its not so accessible to get food, cuz you need to drive to get food, and I dont have a car, and we cant drive and there isnt any Macs delivery
So my only resort is , Milo and wholemeal bread.

Therefore , I decide I better do something about my diet, to eat lite and frequenty like every 3 hours. To Emma, its a good sign, he believe in the theory "Eat to lose weight".

Emma's theory - How it works:
1) Do not go on fasting diets! It only stops your metabolism rate and causing fats to be burn at a slower rate.

2) Eat light and small portion, split your 3 full meals into many small meals. In this way, you body will be able to digest and burn all the food intake completely, to make there is no excess to be converted into fats.

3) Eating frequently(small portion) means your body is working constantly, digesting the food, inturns increase metabolism rate. Therefore Fats are being burn off constantly.

Okay sounds amazing, should give it a try since i have no choice as I REALLY need to eat every 3 hours to fend off the gastric attacks. I just hope i wouldnt pile on extra weight during the festive season.

**Even my MIL ask if i put on weight, well isnt it obvious.... mom??!**

Lastest Updates on my Back Conditon:
I thought my back is getting better but clumsy me... almost slip and fell in the bathroom in the wee hours last night. Haiz I was still blur cuz Im half asleep.. its causing constant pain again the whole day today, but i was still able to go out for a few hours with the family. So its not getting as serious as DAY 1, so just hope for the better that the pain will be gone by tomorrow.

Marina was asking why am I so clumsy, still thought Im young meh!
Yeah right, I was clumsy since the day you know me dude! But yes, i think i need to learn to be more careful... haiz I guess age is catching up on me.

Im like a old lady trap in a 27 yr old FAT BODY!

Hateful December

Woke yesterday morning with a shock. I couldnt move my body without feeling tremendous pain. What the hell happen??

As i recall, there wasnt any strenous activity out of the norm, I was still shopping for skincare the night before. I couldnt even move my legs.... Lower back was emitting serious warnings to my brain. Each move i take , sharp pains shot all the way to the nerves.

Its was 8.05 am... as I lie on bed trying to figure out what to do. I called Emma, he was with a client doing training.. which only ends at 9am. He will rush home straight after that.
While waiting, I try to get up.. I failed. Rolled to the side of my tummy was painful, pushed myself to sit up... more pain. Tried to stand... that is mission impossible... couldnt stand straight and i cant move my feets. I fell back onto the bed....

No choice... I couldnt go anywhere. Even the bathroom seems a long trek away. I continue to lie on bed.. and do stretching. No good, I cant curl my legs and hug them.

At long last 9.50am, Emma reach home. By then, I desperately need to go bathroom to relieve my bladder, any more delay i think I will pee on the bed!! He tried to help me get off the bed, I put my arms around his neck, while he carry me up.. in standing position. The pain was excuriating I cried. Seriously I have a good treshold for pain after all these years, but I cried. The pain was unbearable... as I tried to walk. It took me 5 mins to walk to the bathroom.
The pain extended to both side of my hip as i walked, and numbness sensation spread from my spine to my left foot sole.

As soon as Im back on Bed, Emma took out the painkiller and muscle relaxant for me. Only when the pain gets bearable.. he change me into new clothings and send me to CGH A&E.

Lucky for me. A&E was not crowded today, only waited for 30 mins and i seen the docter.
Weird Doc i would say, heck care attitude , skin head or bald... with diamond ear studs. As me to try reach for my knee cap and do squarting. Madness..... If he insist, Emma swear he will lash at him. Told him I couldnt squart, cant even reach for my knee area, then he put me on Jabs, and under observation for 2hrs

Ist time ever in my life, I was in a wheel chair... the nurse wheeled me to a bed on the observatory area to sleep and wait. Not something we expected... but still we wait.
after 1 hr, the pain reduce greatly due to the painkiller jab and we see the 'Punky' Doc again.

Couldnt explain what happen to me, so prescribed more painkiller and set me up with a specialist for through checks but its not immediate. Next earliest available date, Jan 12 09.
And gave me 2 days MC.

Shit I was in so much pain, and obviously as the doc mentioned, since i felt numbness all the way till my sole, it pretty much means nerves problem. Yet there was no immediate check and scan for me. Might as well I go to a normal GP, take the same painkiller shot and head home to sleep.
A&E charges was $75, but I would have received the same treatment from the normal GP at the cost of $40!

Its another 1 mth till the specialist appointment, would I have been paraysled and bedridden by then??
I think perhaps I should have go for TCm accupunture treatment this weekend, when the pain subsided.

Emma was pretty upset by the fact my back pain came back, this would have meant disruption to the gym training again and more restriction to the level of activity I could do.

Argh, I wish someone could tell me what happen!!!

Weighing Machine.... Reliable or not

Have been staying off gym for 2 weeks already, cuz i was seriously having bad bouts of migraine attacks and flu. Was far too stressed out from work, I booked a full body massage to de-stress.

Crap... Its either my weighing machine or their weighing machine is spolited. My weight still stands at 79.5... Holyshit so Nw Im back at square 1!!

But obviously, my clothes fits better now, my pants are losser.. and even the Tees i couldnt wear before fits again. What happen?? I ask Emma for a explaination on the numbers thingy

His explaination was "You might be losing weight, obvious results from the clothings. Weighing Machines, doesnt do much as you might have more muscle mass and less fat, and muscles are heavier." So I see..... more assured now.

Yeah Yeah

Woohoo... I weight myself yesterday and today. Weight is 78kg... i know still overweight! but the point is I have shed 1.5kg since Day 1. Its considered a improvement and encouragment! Gan Bah Te!! Continued my gym yesterday, and there is much improvement for my back... GOOD NEWS too! This week i shall start a gym training twice a week.

I have been drinking my water (plain) everyday religiously, hoping to detoxify my system.
I read somewhere, in order to maximise the effect of any weight lost regimen, its always best to detox 1st as you body will be able to absorb the benefits of what is coming up next. Anyway, its really killing 2 bird with 1 stone as it helps to clear up my skin too.(my skin is real bad, so slight improvement Im happy already)

So now I been drinking water straight out of my water bottle, so i can monitor my intake. Surprisingly, I have been drinking 4 to 6 bottles of 400ml per day, tat will be like 1.6L -2.4L !!

Hope water can help to lose weight faster as im detoxifying.

Another sign that my body is detoxifying, I woke up with alot of dirt(aka shit) on my eyes. I know that is gross, but that is a sign our body is detoxifying which is dispelling all the toxic out of out body.

So Jia you to myself!!!
I shall ask my beautician for juices receipe later.

Hungry Freak

Yesterday Gym turns out fine... and Im totally refreshed this morning.
Woke up happy and feel good about myself too!!

last night dinner after gym WAS.....

Half a portion of Korean Beef Bimbimpak

Hahaha, Im not crazy lah... Trainer say can eat and he approved.. so I EAT lah
But i think in time to come, my Trainer will pile on weight instead.
His dinner was duck rice with extra serving of rice and half of my Bimbimpak.
Then when we reach home, he finish the last of my fruit & oat bar.
Weird, train me got so hungry meh??!

****************************************************
P/s: People like him are the one that u get mad with. He eat tonnes of
food and he lose weight
I eat less than half or even lesser but the weight pile on my end...
SO UNFAIR.. sob sob
****************************************************


Its 2pm now, Im so HUNGRY and its like FUCKING HUNGRY LOR.. cant understand why. I have eaten and still i feel so hungry. I hope someone can come and distract me from the hunger monster. Until then, I have to wait... wait... wait

But Im looking forward to 7pm, Irene and I are going shopping for bathroom scales.
I think I will get some fruit bar too, Emmanuel has asked me to eat multiple small meals to maintain my metabolism rate.

From now on, I'll be taking lotsa of fruits and water, to clear up my skin as well.

Breakfast-930am: A mini chiffon cake + coffee + more water
Lunch(1pm): A small Bao + 1 slice of watermelon & Papaya + more water.
Teabreak(230pm):Cup of Milo
Dinner: a little too sinful. small portion of dried pasta, with grill chicken chop without skin, and .. and... and... 2 chix wings. And 1 Ice coffee

My Life

Yesterday I was at the doctor for tummy cramps trigger by IBS. While the doctor review my condition from Tummy cramp, Back pain to irregular pms blah blah. It just hit me again, how unhealthy I AM!

She took my weight... HOLY SHIT! Now Im a pc of FAT Lard weighing a hefty 79.5KG.
I’m back to where I was in my early 20s.
Obviously I was seriously overweight and OBESE at a height of 1.59m!
Doc then went to calculate my BMI.. Its 31 way over the healthy range of 20.

All this resulted from my back injury since 3yrs ago. Doc advise that I have better do something to my Back and weight issue since it might affect my chances of conceiving in future.

How on earth could I have pile on so much weight in such a short period??!

Actually I have started Personal Training in Feb 09, but unfortunately progress have been hindered and halted by my busy work schedule and back problems.

So now the GOAL is to shed 3kgs every month from now…TODAY

MY LIFE for the past 3 years

Oct 04: At age of 24, badly hit by relationship issue, literally I wasn’t eating
at all. I was then 82kg. No wonder my ex broke off with me, he must have
despised bringing a FAT gf around.

Jul 05: After 10 long months of depression, I lose a total of 25 kg,
weighing 57kg.
My confidence level soars while my weight dropped. But its totally unhealthy,
I suffered from a serious of healthy problems as I wasn’t eating properly at all.
I got frequent giddy spells and gastric problems worsen.

Oct 05: I was with Emmanuel at this point and I was blissfully happy,
gotten away from the shadows of the break-up with that JERK.
Still I wasn’t eating normally, My appetite have not regain, and I will puke or
have bouts of bad diahorrea once I ate more than the usual.

Plus I was elated, most of my friends who hasn’t seen me in a long time couldn’t recognize the NEW me. With my new found figure, I turned into a shopaholic obsessive with buying clothing.
I gave my wardrobe a major overhaul, before I was UK size 16 and restricted to only black
and grey clothes. Now my wardrobe has became colorful like rainbow, and at UK size 10
I was allowed to wear whatever I desired! I ignore the symptoms of sickness, as long as I’m slim and look good it doesn’t matter.

Dec 05: I was happy! I’m at 54.5Kg, closer to my target of 50kg which i felt is my ideal weight. Something bad happen. Unintentionally I pulled my Back muscle, didn’t realize it was that bad. Doctor had to administer a injection for me to reduce the pain, and i couldn’t walk without assistance.
Certainly didn’t prepare for the complication that follows.

May 07: X-ray results of my back shows that I was born with a defect.
Missing the last segment of the spine, pressure on my back was tremendous and higher than the usual people. The doctor explains patients with such defects, usually more prone to back illness.
It’s unfortunate that I have to injure my back of all places that explains why the pain is persistent
and it difficult to recover.

Imagine, I could have been taller if not for that missing segment! Darn!!

Jul 07: I was referred to CGH for Gastro and Endo scope, due to bad gastric pain triggered by painkiller, tummy cramp and bout of sever diahorrea for the past 4 months.
I was lucky; I was diagnosed with IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) which will follow me for LIFE and not some colon-related cancer I suspected.

I didn’t recover from the Back injury, instead it worsen. I was on painkiller for the past 20 months and not a single day I was not in pain. Each visit to the doctor, i walked out with stronger and heavier dosage of painkiller.
Both the doctor and painkiller does nothing for me, I was feeling the pain every single min even under medication. The Back injury led to sever migraine, eye and ear pain so to resolve that, doctor prescript painkiller + steroids.
Its bring acne outbreak on my face and does nothing to reduce the pain.

I wished I was dead, as I’m suffering and in pain. I have missed out alot in my life, in fact I didn’t have a life anymore, all I can remembered was work, pain, medication, meal and sleep and more pain.
I couldn’t do the things or activities which i used to enjoy. Even short shopping trips and heels proved to be torturous and I was label as "Miss Weak Spine" by friends.
The weight that I have lost, piled back on, I became FAT and Ugly coupled with Acne outbreak.
I think I was better off dying than leading a miserable life like this.

Fortunately, Emmanuel was there for me. Forever supportive and still as loving and caring, nothing lesser but much much more since I grew FAT.

Im really grateful to him, and thinking back, I think Im blessed to found a man like him.

Oct 07: Finally married to Emmanuel legally but yet to go through customary.
It was depressing as I couldn’t even find a proper gown for my ROM ceremony.
Choices were limited and I think weddings are just not meant for FAT people. I even despise the picture we took for the day, there isn’t a single picture which I look good in!

We got a place of our own and move out right after, soon enough I realized the toil of doing housework. I would clean the house for 1 Sunday, and rest in bed with bad pain and ache for the next 6 days. It was hell for me!

Then Emmanuel had a change of career path, turn into a fitness trainer out of personal interest and partly cos of me. He wanted to help me out of my pain and misery.

Sadly, my health condition doesn’t allow.

People around us were mocking at me. They do not how understand how come a good-looking and macho guy like Emmanuel had someone like me for a wife. Even his relatives are laughing along. My confidence level dropped and I was embarrassed.

I beg him not to introduce me as his wife in front of his colleagues and clients. I was ashamed of myself and afraid I will affect his profession image. Even when he have bump into friends on the street, I will walk away and wait elsewhere. Its makes him sad whenever I behave like this, but I couldn’t control my emotions.

Oct 08: No improvement for the past 1 yr. Still on and off on painkiller though I try so hard to stay off it. For the past 4 months, I stop going back to the doctor for painkiller. Instead I turn to TCM, undergo acupuncture treatments for pain relief.
I had 25 needles on my spine area spanning all the way to my knee cap. It was painful but I gladly take that than the never-ending supply of painkiller.

13 Nov 08: Today is the day. Although it’s a bad way to start a new beginning with a bad migraine but I don’t care, I’m determined to hit the gym TODAY no matter what. I will be blogging my progress of weight loss (maybe not) or back problem on this blog.

Emmanuel has asked me to believe and have faith in him and myself. Yes I will do that, and with so much encouragement from him, Irene and my dear sister. It can’t be that hard right?

For Emmanuel, I will hold my head up high and not be ashamed of myself ever again.
For Irene, I will not be lazy and work hard to make myself pretty again
For my dear sis, I will put in effort and determination to shed the weight with you

If Im able to shed off all this weight, I hope it will be in the healthy way this time.
I want to be the most beautiful bride with beautiful wedding pictures that I will be proud of.

Cheers to my NEW LIFE!